Atypical Multiple Sclerosis

So, it’s been awhile since I’ve written. I guess I’ve been just living. Enamored with the ease of moving naturally, of walking through a crowd and just being one of them. Not anchored by braces and crutches and spasticity holding me firmly to the earth. I walk through stores, walk through the woods, walk to my seat in a restaurant, walk through the grocery store and no one, NO ONE stares at me wondering ‘what is wrong with her.’

I am just another person living in this world. That is the difference. When you look like everyone one else and move at their speed then you are one of them. Taken at face value as one of them. They cannot tell that something is wrong with me. They cannot tell how hard I fought to get here. They cannot see the pump inside me.

The other day, sitting in the waiting room of my physical therapists office, a man ‘walked in’.  I use the verb walk and immediately you think of long strides, ease of movement, grace, swinging of arms, an almost involuntary muscle movement like a beating heart. Yet this man, in his forties, moved stiffed legged using two canes (not even lofstrand crutches) and each step draining his energy. My goodness, I thought that is how I must’ve looked. I understood this man in a moment. Feeling both grateful and guilty for where I stand now.

Seeing others struggle now, I feel like I must make the most of my well being. I don’t mean going off every day enjoying myself by immersing myself in all the activities I couldn’t do before. I mean helping others. That man, just watching him, made me realize how many other people have helped me. Without them I would not be in the position I am in right now. From my family and friends who wouldn’t let me give up, to doctors who care enough to keep practicing even though they can’t cure you, to past patients who forged new treatments, to strangers with kind words and actions, it is upon their shoulders I rode when I could no longer walk, move forward.

I feel I must make a commitment to help others make their life better so maybe they can enjoy just living too. I would really like to connect with others who have MS or other similar diseases. I know the importance of having supportive individuals helping you through tough times. I feel like  a window of opportunity opened and I must seize it. As my son, who is currently taking Latin, says “Carpe diem, mom, carpe diem!”