Good and Bad

February 2, 2011

So I have been feeling pretty good lately.  I’m not running any races, well I’m not running.  I have enough daily energy to do what needs to get done.  Essentially, I operate on a low level.  That  is good.  I am happy with that.  I can make a little life for myself.

The bad. Well, I’ve never been satisfied with slowing down or following rules.  Most of the time this rebellious spirit serves me well.  But, when it comes to conserving my energy and keeping my energy at a good level the rebel in me is not serving me well.

Rebellious Spirit, Spirit of the Soul, does help with overcoming the depression, the “woe is me” feeling that a chronic illness brings. The spirit enables you to live happily, find a way to make your life, see the joy in life despite or maybe even because of your troubles.

When this disease, when atypical ms progresses again I will be facing another round of chemo, cytoxan.  If you have read any this blog you know that I have a love hate relationship with cytoxan.  Chemo really helped me, but I was sick; sick through the process.  I want to keep myself as good, as healthy as I can.

The rebel me needs to ssllooww down if that is going to happen.  In analyzing why I don’t slow down, I’ve come up the answer.  I think.  I want to live life, experience all life has to offer.  I don’t want to follow the speed limit and park between the lines when I die.  I want drive 100 mph taking the backroads finally careening into a skid as I stop at the Pearly Gates jumping out of my convertible  tossing St. Peter my keys.  You get the idea.

The spirit is willing but the body isn’t able.  So I hope my spirit finds creative ways to live life without punishing my atypical ms ridden body.

We’ll see how it goes.