September 29, 2010

It is funny that after a few years, okay 5 or more, with MS you get used to the pace of  life. For me life has slowed down, dramatically.  I am on a completely different schedule than I was before; completely different than most ‘healthy people’ I would guess.  Just when I think, hey I am doing alright, life isn’t quite as different as I thought-bang it happens.  You are made acutely aware of just how much MS has impacted your life.

I’ll give you a ‘for instance’.  I feel better, I have more energy, I walk better, I have more endurance, etc.  You know, you’re living it.  I get an invitation to a 40th birthday party, a surprise birthday bash, for a friend who lives in a nearby state, a couple of hour drive. Immediately I think, ‘yes, I will attend.’  Actually, it was more like YIPEE!  I’ll go.  I can’t wait to go out again.  After all the party was at a rented hall with a live band for an all night party.  Just the type of party I lived for before MS.

I knew better than to drive down just in time for the party.  I mean I still have MS,  I need some rest time before the big event.  So, I drove with hubby in the afternoon.  We checked into a nearby hotel and I promptly took a nap.  I wanted to conserve as much energy  as I could.  Right about now, I realized that I wasn’t quite as good as I thought.  A two hour drive for a 40th birthday bash really shouldn’t be an all day event.  Most people would hop in their car two and half hours before the party.  I planned the trip, the drive, the hotel.

Ok, well I just need to plan a bit more now.  No big deal.  Right.  Maybe if I keep writing it and you keep reading it, it will be true.  Life does not work that way.

So evening sets and we head off to the bash–7:30pm.  here is where I am a bit upset.  I figured the birthday boy would be arriving 7:45 or 8pm the latest.  No, no, no.  The person throwing the party told everyone to be there an hour early. And the band was supposed to start playing at 9pm.  I just lost an hour and half.  There is a big difference between me at 7:30pm and me at 9pm.  At 7:30pm I can talk, laugh, maybe even slow dance.  At 9pm I look like I have had a few too many suds and shooters.  Standing around for an hour or so, I began to wonder how everyone else would fair.  I mean could all of these other people stay up so late. No that is not a joke.  I forget that I am not the norm, I am not the poster child for late 30’s and early 40’s people.

Once the yelling of surprise was over and the band began playing I was amazed.  Amazed that most people had energy to dance.  And dance. And dance.  And dance.  They walked around with their drinks, they talked-sometimes having multiple conversations at once, they danced.  At 10:30pm my husband escorted (read: held onto me so I didn’t stumble into a wall or a person) from the party to our car and into our hotel room.

When we left it seemed the party was only beginning to wind up.  Like the best was yet to be.  Wait, let me say that again.  LIKE THE BEST WAS YET TO BE after 10:30pm.  WOW!

Needless to say my head it the pillow and I was asleep.  We drove home the next day. I was silent.  How could I be so accustomed to MS that I thought I was going to be able to not just survive a late night party, but participate.

My life has slowed down.  I am on a different schedule than most people.  But I like it that way.  And that is good because I didn’t choose it and I can’t change it.  Maybe I can’t dance at 9pm but life is more than dancing.